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WOOOOOOOOAAAAA not LJ'd like, forever.   
09:16pm 20/02/2005
 
mood: sick
I cannot believe this!
I used to be so addicted to this.
Maybe this is where I should put all my blog type things so then i don't have to censor them whatsoever because mike and his gay mates will never find me here.
muhahahahahaha

anyway,
life at the moment is pretty rubbish.
it seems everyones dying from cancer near me and its horrible.


Mike should die.
Because hes been on about us getting back together and how he was going to make this big effort.. and i rang him today only to find he was on his way to meet this new girl hes met. So much for getting back, bring on the heartache and the insane unstoppable crying!

Seriously I cried the house down, I worried myself and the only thing that calmed me down was many sleeping pills and then I went to bed.
I've not been like that for so long, I definately don't want to fall down that trap again.
I'm beginning to think amongst all the complaining and the almost cheating towards the end that I did to that boy, that I really did love him. He held me together somehow for a while, and picked me up from Chris and helped me, and then i let him go because i'm a dick really.

Nowhere to go from here. Can't talk to him again but know I will.. I won't wait around for him to get fed up or to get it on with this girl though, honestly, I deserve more than that.
xxx
 
     

(miss me in your living room?)

 
peeing   
07:44pm 03/06/2004
  i don't really want to update.. nothings really happened but tess made me feel bad for abandoning LJ.. i cut myself a fringe today..thats about the most exciting thing i've done all week... apart from see gem, harry potter with chris, and... erm... yea thats it. GREAT.
(oh and a definate lack of revision)
xx
 
     

(miss me in your living room?)

 
   
06:29pm 20/05/2004
 
mood: pissed off
i'm really really pissed off.
Its a similar feeling to the one i had last time i went to satan's i was in the foulest mood ever then. And i've just realised why...anyway i'll sort that later.

Theres no one good online
You know what?
I really hate him today
LOTS

I've had a good day though on the whole...apart from the whole embarassment of chatting up those mid cheshire guys that blatently hated me and getting the look of death from zoe (pob's ex) and her homies.

Gems been excellent today, i can't believe it.. we had fun, just wish sally CLEGG wasn't in such a stinker coz we would have had lots of ass groping fun, but she was having none of it.

Cut my hair again last night and now its all crap and thin, i've got to stop doing that.

I'm so pissed off.. how can anyone get away with treating someone like this?! my voice is also all croaky and husky.. not exactly sexy, just annoying. I think when my cousin Holly comes round (shes sposed to be here now) i will go for a walk or something, i'm not an idiot and i'm not a bad person and i actually deserve to be treated like a human and not a 5 year old for once.

If he was here right now, i swear i would actually stick a metal probe through his rectum until it came out of his mouth just so he couldn't pimp his hairy ass around anymore.
the motherfucking P.I.M.P
 
     

(2 kissed me in their living room | miss me in your living room?)

 
flu   
04:33pm 15/05/2004
 
mood: sick
flu is crap.
i hate being ill. Especially when i have my spanish oral on wednesday and a mocky thing on monday for it, which i haven't started revising for yet. Mainly because i'm too ill to stay awake for long enough to read through one question. I'm so annoyed, me and gem are ill, (except i'm worse because gems been to cheshire oaks today and i didn't even go to work).

So i'm all ill... and just lounging round watching shitty tv all day, not bothered washing my hair in ages, so it is DISGUSTING. You know when you just don't care about what you look like because you've gone beyond the point of caring because you feel so rank? Well Gem gave me a ring and said her and Ronnie were on my road and they came and visited me. Then i felt rough. Twas nice to see them though, but i just looked horrible. To make things worse i decided it would be an ace idea to go n visit Astbury, so we did, his dad said he was in bed, asleep.. Even better!
think we scared him a little. After moochin around his house for a while we went to get some stuff for his mum and then agreed we'd go and get an ice cream (just cant stay away from that place) so i had to hide in the car because i wasn't working today. I now feel really sick because david drives too fast and ice cream and bumps don't mix well.

I wanted to go and see Charlie's band so much tonight, I'm just too knackered.

Not actually missing chris that much today, which is remarkable.
Maybe it is actually possible to hate that motherfucking cock faced shit head.

xxxx
 
     

(miss me in your living room?)

 
*some girls are bigger than others*   
05:36pm 08/05/2004
 
mood: mischievous
I'm growing to love this album, its fun. Its Charlie's, hes trying to get me into pre-emo (less emo) music i'm sure. I like it nethertheless, almost as much as i like charlie, but not quite! Me and him had a nice chat t'other night, hes having a bit of a rough time with Far-Heee atm, and he said he needed a caz hug. If charlie asked me out i'm pretty certain i'd forget chris ever existed.
Anyway
Yesterday was really nice, kind of sunny and i definately had "that friday feeling". The anger that had possessed me so much in the week just had gone and i wasn't thinkin about chris every second, which is unusual for me.
Lessons went well, and in my free last thing i got a lift with David to town and we and sarah walked round for a bit and bought her some crazy Phillis doll for her art. Met alex who got lost from the station to sainsburys... probably the most stupid thing shes done yet. Then lauren came along and i bought Kennedy a choc fudge cake and a candle in the shape of a 4 and headed for the Penny Black.
Wish i'd stayed longer, but i had to get back to go and see my grandpa. Makada, Nici, Sherman, Mark, Trev and Greg were there as well as Kennedy.. ohh and Scott came on later on. It was really nice to see them all and have a quick chat and hug, i'd like to spend more time with all of them. Got david to pick me up from the barnton bus stop because i'm a lazy poo.
For some crazy reason i decided band night was the best place to go on a friday night.. i was right for once, i actually had a really good night :) Will was there n bailey, Phil and Dave and Phil and Lewis. Everyone seemed in a good mood apart from Mike who i tried to say hello to, but i've just read his live journal and hes forgiven now :P I saw Eddie and in my hyper lively partially drunk mood went and spoke to him and ended up spending most of the night with him really. hes ace and lives so close!!! i think this will be a great new friendship. :)
Had a few wierd moments with William (mainly involving his tongue making contact with Barney's eddie's and my lips at the same time) but i love my friends a lot at the moment. Got a lift back with my first boyfriend ever- Michael Begbie. We had this epic conversation about how i was the first ever girl to see his willy and how i was his first kiss with tongues (back in primary school... year 6) SHOCKING. The journey was funny though, mikes dad's ace.. and Barney, eddie and this other drunken bloke were singing. I felt happy. Plus i went wearing a skirt with leggins which i thought would scare people but it didn't because half the people there were in denim minis and looking scarier than me anyway :)
xxx
 
     

(miss me in your living room?)

 
bang bang he shot me down, bang bang i hit the ground.   
06:03pm 06/05/2004
 
mood: mellow
i love this song. i love her voice.

I've had a pretty energetic day, with my only real lesson being art this morning its been pretty easy going, i'm getting so good at waking up on time in the mornings these days and i'm all ready early when david picks me up. Ronnie passed his test today too.. i'm getting so jealous of all my friends that drive.

Me and Gem were playing pretty well if i say so myself (in tennis) i was put off for a while coz Ric clegg was watching with tom and tom was laughing about my builders bum, but i shut him up with an excellent conversation about how CRAZY sally CLEGG is and how great that Pugwall show that used to be on was..
We won one match and lost the other 2 4games to 3 with both going to deuce which was annoying because we should have won them.. we were good, i felt good and powerful and kick ass at something for once. we beat SALLY CLEGG and after all ... thats what the whole competition was about eh!

Still don't have a clue what i'm doing about tmw.. thinking of skipping my free last thing and going to town to get kennedy a present and then drop it off at the pub. Everyone seems to be going out somewhere later on though, i guess i'll just stay in and watch tv and be cool... all ALONNNNNNe.

BANG BANG
that awful sound
BANG BANG... my baby shot me down.
 
     

(miss me in your living room?)

 
ging ga ga ging ga ga ging...   
09:45pm 05/05/2004
  last night was a big pile of wank.
i have never felt so angry and upset at the same time.
fucking nosey people on the internet, snooping around and then getting upset and then ruining friendships and tearing people apart and ach. its a very bad thing this t'internet malarchy.

I made Lewis ring me and calm me down for ages, i feel sorry for him, i was seriously going insane. But i woke up feeling crap and very angry today too, which wasn't fun as i'm not a moody person and i was in the foulest, most aggressive, snappy, emotional mood ever. I felt like i'd lost my right arm and that i just wanted to hit everyone, i just shouted at everyone instead and swore a lot. i hate swearing too.

Thankgod me and gem realised its house Tennis tmw... shit shit shit, we've gotta play and i haven't played since september i think. So i went to Gem's after extra art and we couldn't be arsed with the tennis practice coz it was wet so instead we worked on her Kill Bill story film for her art... shes got this amazing editing programme on her pc and we did some cool dream scenes of just random stuff.. mainly featuring me dressed similar to the lil guy in the Bomfunk MCs - freestyler video doing Pai Mei moves with a builders bum all to an old dance track "ging ga ga gine ga ga ging ga ga remember meeeeeeee-eeeeeeee i'm a. *something i cant remember* " when we edited it, its immense, especially the bit when i ran down the cresent in socks with toe holes and did a one leg kick thing . It lifted my mood so much, made me realise how much i dislike chris for everything hes done and he doesn't even care and denies to himself that hes done wrong. One day he'll wake up and realise hes been a knob. one day..
 
     

(1 kissed me in their living room | miss me in your living room?)

 
Last Niiiiight   
06:25pm 01/05/2004
 
mood: blank

it was shit, waste of money really. I was so excited when i finished school and got ready, looked alright i thought and it was gonna be fun alex was gonna join us after work. But when we got to Overdraught alex couldn't come :( so i was stuck with turner, pev,chris :( and Simcock allll night with no silly female company to get wild with. Also mum informed me that i'm not allowed to drink on these pills.. I did anyway but it didn't have an effect which i was also pissed off at. I spent most of the night taking pictures for art n stuff. I was bored and in a bad mood (pms) gah.

dick.

Todays been nice and pleasant, we got back around 3.30-4 and i fell asleep pretty soon.. after turner tucked me up in bed and we had a half hour long hug or something just talking about smell. Then i woke up at the stupid time of 8 and went and pestered turner, took photos of him asleep and then got in bed with him and didn't let him go back to sleep :) Things felt back on track again between me and him, nice and close again without the awkwardness, hes cute to hold in bed :)

We watched tv for hours and ate hot dogs for breakfast then we hoovered his precious car and changed all the tyres round :P Some spazzy ginger kid from his estate came and asked "what his girlfriend's name was" :P he said Vicki-Anne, wish it was! hes such an idiot, he should get back with her... He drove me home and we listened to Jurassic 5 some more. Hes buying me the album today hopefully. Work was pretty busy but not stressful so thats good. Just want to do something tonight... but i'll probably fall asleep at 9!

xxx

anyway.....

Pictures from the Collapse )

 
     

(8 kissed me in their living room | miss me in your living room?)

 
everybody loves ice cream...bastards   
08:23pm 24/04/2004
 
mood: thoughtful

I haven't properly rambled on for ages on this, mainly due to the fact i spend most of my time on myspace- i've met some pretty cool people on that. However, i thought i best come n check out whats goin on in the world of LJ...

I had some wierd kind of breakdown on thursday night, i got hysterical and ill and ended up not going in on friday for my history and spanish exams... which i'm really annoyed about now as it means i haven't been able to go out and enjoy the sunshine y'day or yesterday like everyone else. I also got a really shitty nasty letter from my art teacher saying my mock result was a D and that "if my chosen career is in art i best start working" so now i've got to go to 2 after school sessions each week. I'm so pissed off... as if i have enough time to do work anyway. Work was so hard today, it was pretty hot and the whole world wanted an ice cream, my back kills. Also some guy pointed at my boss' 6month old baby and asked whether it was mine.. i was flattered that i looked like a 16 year old wench in my uniform.

I sent Chris a really nice text this morning. No suprise i didn't get a reply... he only ever texts me randomly to say "i was really worried about you last night, i don't know why" anyway, but i spoke to him on thursday night and he really calmed me down... although i'd say it was partly his fault i got so hysterical in the first place. I'm terrified hes falling in love with this Janine bird. I don't see how this is supposed to work.. he even said "we'll never be real friends, like proper ones, you know what i mean" by that he means, we'll both probably have extra feelings for each other.. or i will atleast and that'll get in the way. How am i supposed to be best friends with the one person whos done nothing much more than tear me apart for the last year. I don't know really why either of us still talk to the other, i guess its because we're so used to speaking to each other the whole time.. i secretly hope its because some day soon he'll realise the reason is that he loves me. pffft. We're both so afraid of hurting each other, well thats a lie, i'd hurt him so much if i could.

I just still can't accept/don't think its over. Theres still another chapter to this story somewhere... but i shouldn't and can't think like this. Its because of this i'm not working and i don't have motivation for anything. I was thinking maybe we'll stop talking soon, i can feel something like that happening.. and then maybe we'll meet up again at Leeds or something and sort stuff out (thats if hes not still with the nonce hes with now) He'll probably be with someone else by then come to think of it..hes not one for the long serious relationships with one girl(so i hope) its due to his need to be loved by everything and everybody and he can't help being a flirt (even when he doesn't know it) with every girl he meets. I'd say right now hes got about 8 or so girls he could go out with so easily.

This musics so sleepy...

I've still got to read through all the causes of the Febuary Rev in Russia and the whole of Henry VIII+Wolsey tonight.. then dedicate the whole of tmw to spanish and art.

I wish i could transfer all the nice, loving ,genuine care and love for chris to someone that deserves it. Everything would be so much easier, truth is i suppose i just won't find anyone special whilst hes still around, even if i do, i most likely won't even see it because i don't want anyone else bar chris and so i'm never going to go against what i want deep down. This all makes me all so sad.

xxx

 
     

(miss me in your living room?)

 
insect porn...beware   
02:27pm 23/04/2004
 

Source A clearly shows some wierd fly type creatures copulating on my window. They have been doing this now for over 25 minutes. I can see there "bits" when i get real close.

 filthy animals can crawl round and do it at the same time and everything.

 this is my painting i did t'other day of Mr G Rickly of thursday... it looks a bit funny all small and pixated.

Its a nice day although the shots don't really show that. I'm angry at myself though for being a dirty skiver.

xxx

 
     

(2 kissed me in their living room | miss me in your living room?)

 
vrrrrrooooooooom vrrrrrroom   
01:32pm 18/04/2004
  well.. last day of the easter holidays is coming to a close :( i've done nothing really since i got back from new york apart from stay at home because i was "revising" geez. I'm going to regret this so much... i've got my oral in the morning and i can honestly say i haven't looked at anything for it STILL.

Last night i spent a good few hours talking to of all people... Pob! We worked out we last spoke over a year ago.. when we fell out, but y'know it only took him a year to realise he was a twat so he spent a long time appologising- i didn't mind. Hes less irish than he used to be- probably due to the fact hes at LIPA in Liverpool now, hes all independent-almost driving, and has a 30 YEAR OLD GIRLFRIEND.. hes 19! i spent a long time telling him that this was just wrong. He still hasn't cut his hair, the metal-loving-fool. Its conversations like those that just make u realise how much a person can change within a year, not just him, me.. i found myself having not that much in common with him anymore and me+him used to be so tight. Nethertheless it was so nice to catch up and thats another person that dislikes me crossed off the list.


I've started to like that myspace thing, its become my new addictive thing to waste hours on... basically its better than faceparty because theres hardly any scalls, just hot people and theres a few famous faces there, its interesting to see that they're addicted to the net too :)

My brother Richard came home last night, didn't see him much though as he went out with Jenny <3 haven't seen her in a few years, he seems really happy though :) he came and distracted me when i woke up at 8!!8 o'clock this morning!! to do Spanish, he tried to get me to go to the Trafford Centre with him..pfft. i'm more dedicated than you would think! but then i went for a drive with him instead.. just up and down the drive in this crazy red fiesta him+david bought for £20 off some old lady. Its quite good quality though, the seats didn't fall through the floor or anything. I was though, quite awful at driving, stalled it too many times to remember and nearly crashed it into the garage. He went and got my gran's old car- which is a similar blue fiesta (it'll be my first car..can't wait :Z ) and we went dirt racing down the meadows.. i got wooped but still i'm sure i managed to skid about 7metres and that got my addrenaline going :)

Spect i should stop wasting time here and go and do something like read. damn. wish me luck.. i definately need it.
xxx
 
     

(3 kissed me in their living room | miss me in your living room?)

 
you got it bad..   
10:24pm 14/04/2004
 
mood: rejected

woke up pretty early in attempt to do some revision... didn't really work. Started getting ready to see Chris at 9, even though mum literately gave me a lecture last night for an hour about why i shouldn't go and see him, of course shes right but i needed to.

He looked so gorgeous, his flick had grown, i got to play with it :) i got to play with most of "my" things on him anyway... kind of strange seem as hes got a girlfriend but we've always been very affectionate and intimate. So things were sort of awkward, belly did a few flips as i approached him, but it was alright really, had lunch and had lunch again(that was his idea!) and just walked round and i made him sit down on loads of benches coz i find it easier to talk when sat down. He kept on saying "i miss you caroline" and i'd just look at him and want to kiss him, so i had to turn away a fair few times. He complimented me more than he ever used to.. "you look great today, really nice, really pretty" "you'll always be my cazzipoos""you're my property" "if anyone ever hurts you i'll kill them all" and we had good talks about how i shouldn't settle for second best apparently.

I felt special again, i just wish she didn't exist. Ah i wish for a lot of things... and i can carry on wishing for them because they'll never come true. I just won't see him for a long time, we're both busy with our very different lives. I don't understand how i managed to see him "so much" before... i really don't.. i guess i just didn't have anything else to think about and with him was where i thought i should be, where i belonged etc. who knows what'll happen.. i'm pretty sure hes still attracted to me. I'll just keep cruising along on my own for a while i guess. i still love my chris.

went to see Kill Bill 1 at the cinema coz the 2nd ones out next week and gems keen for me to go. Was pretty cool, but a bit gory for me...especially me with my fear of being murdered but i was in awe because its filmed so well. :)

xxx

some more stupid pictures!Collapse )

 
     

(6 kissed me in their living room | miss me in your living room?)

 
its all shit   
11:24am 12/04/2004
 
mood: crappy
last night was crap. I rang turner, we made up and he told me that chris had finished with his girlfriend on friday i thought "cheers for telling me chris" but i was still really happy. Then i went in to automatic pilot of "lets get chris back..." so i rang him all happy and didn't say i knew or anything just tried to meet up with him today n stuff, said i missed him and he played guitar to me and for a few moments it felt like nothing had changed, like she hadn't even existed. But hes going through a bad time at the moment.. with this crazy girl from faceparty whos somewhat stalking him and i can't decide whether shes making up these stories or what. She rang him saying she'd been kidnapped sort of and kept by this man so obviously he had to go. He rang back ages later when i was talking to Pev + he sounded shitty. Pev told me he finished his girlfriend coz she lived too far away, didn't see her enough and he wanted to be single - exactly same reasons he finished me!
only that
they're back together now coz he got back with her the day after.
crushed.
why the hell didn't he do that with me?
when i rang him back i didn't mention all this but he was being all wierd , i expect he was shaken by the crazy stalker girl, but he made some shifty excuse to go.

So i cried myself to sleep again. I just don't know if i'll ever move on from this, i thought the wound was sort of healing up again, feels like i've just had a sledge hammer slice through it again.
 
     

(6 kissed me in their living room | miss me in your living room?)

 
i stole tessa's quiz too   
09:17pm 11/04/2004
  1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says: clickin on Save saves your current game to you hard disk. (the Sims manual... bizzare)

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?: just air
3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?: the O.C. hubba hubba
4. WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is: 9.30
5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?: 9.19 ah well.
6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?: badly drawn boy - brother put the cd in and i'm too lazy to change it, its alright for a change anyway
7: When did you last step outside? what were you doing?: can't believe you've not been out allll day tess! thats something i'd do usually. I went up to my grans to give my auntie the Macy's bag i promised her.
8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?: friend's entries
9: What are you wearing?: i'm trying poop on so... green chuck taylors, blue legwarmers(bad combo) it gets worse.. black flirty skirt and my green stripey polo with a green headband all topped off with unshaved legs. its tasty.
10: Did you dream last night?: yes, same stupid dream i always have. :(
11: When did you last laugh?: probably before on the phone to chris' mum
12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?: magnolia with a blob of bluetack right infront of me.. oo its textured wallpaper too stylish!
13: Seen anything weird lately?: this crazy sort of spot/boil on my wrist.. its just an insect bite really.
14: What do you think of this quiz?: same as usual really, without the upsetting questions
15: What is the last film you saw?: must have been a bugs life well half of it, astbury interrupted me when he came round demanding his present! pffft! before that Eternal Sunshine which i loved :)

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?: a hot guy ? i dunno, a car, get my hair professionally cut+dyed, a house in aus, a new phone, a personal trainer
17: Tell me something about you that I don't know: I don't really keep secrets i'm bad at them in general so nothing would be new.
18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?: ban all pain
19: Do you like to dance?: yes all the time

20: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?: Nevaeh, Charlotte, Sophie, Rosie,
21: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?:
Jamie? Aron, Charlie,tom, tim
22: Would you ever consider living abroad?: yes, i want to live in australia, somewhere near the beaches.

23: Will you pass on this survey?: no, and everyone that would steal it from this LJ have stolen it already i'm sure :)

x
 
     

(1 kissed me in their living room | miss me in your living room?)

 
NYC- the picaaacccchures!   
04:31pm 11/04/2004
 
mood: amused

i can't remember how to make a link to pictures so i'll get tess to sort that later, so for now.... i'm gonna put about 15 pages worth of piccys up - lucky you! These are Gem's pictures which i got from a disk she made. ahh new york. :)

xxx

and so.... the journey began, and people had already taken advantage of me in my sleep.

but its ok, coz they're lovely and quite attractive really.. =

 (Gem+ Pete)

well gem anyway- petes debatable

introducing all knobby-overly-american CAZ!

....with one fat leg and a mouth that doesn't shut

Mother told me not to play with my food... but ahh well, some things just taste sooo good like GIANT gerkins up your nostril :)

stupid tiredness in the diner (first night)

not exactly original.. but he was asking for it!

Central park-

knobbys

it was a posh McDonalds..we're easily amused.

shift chinese

shifty Coops

i've arranged their marriage- perfect! a Clegg+ a Colling!

thats a beginning-middle-end shot of me taking a picture of the whole group on the ferry with my flies undone.

 Pier 16

a fancy toilet :)

 

that'll teach you mexicans to fall asleep on the train next to me!

the boys (upper sixth ) Coops, Richard, Pete, and nobby Ben in white

 Miss B looking.. erm.. attractive

fucking lift that never came

 Pete is a woman

this is how things should be :) Me and Richard in Chelsea

 sibling love

hangin' with the cleggs :)

 its a GAP

and i'll leave you with this beauty

UNOOOOOOO

peace out!

 
     

(4 kissed me in their living room | miss me in your living room?)

 
neeehh neehh neeeeeaaaah naaaaah   
08:10pm 10/04/2004
 
mood: sleepy

I got wasted last night.

I woke up and Holly came over and we went out and ate ice cream. Then Debbie+Hols picked me up at 8.30 and we headed off to spoons. I was knackered when i set off, but seeing Scotty perked me up :) and then i just didn't stop drinking bloody cider and black. Bumped into a few people like Scott, Cheesy (with that guy i chatted up in chester- AGAIN), andy carter (who has really crap short hair these days), Stuart Jones (who i slapped repeatedly for beating my brother up back in first year), Hannah Hughes, Kennedy+Sherman, Trev.

Scotty bought me a drink or two and i think i've managed to win him back :) i think the pink top i was wearing might have helped that... but we were smoooochin all night long, not that i can remember much just that it must have looked pretty bad in the middle of spoons. But then Dave Salmon was there and i fancied him so much when i was in like first year and he was friends with my brother.. oooof. hes hot. so i went and sat with him and he bought me+hols a drink and he must have been wasted he kissed me. Then when we went for a pizza this guy Matty Rothwell, that me+lauren went "ooo" at, at holly's 17th when we were 12!!!! kissed me and said he liked me. I don't think scotty saw any of this which is good. Holly later told me that this Matt guy has a girlfriend so i felt somewhat bad.

Todays been shit because i've just had the worst hang over ever and i had to work and looking at the food made me feel so sick. I felt really lonely and crappy afterwards coz James picked Nina up and they're so happy and perfect and i want someone to love again, so i rang chris...as usual and he was just crap. I miss being with him and seeing him.

arrrrrrrrgggggggh, i make no progress ever.

xx

 
     

(miss me in your living room?)

 
NY- some of Gem's pics   
08:20pm 09/04/2004
 

me in the limoooo

me+gem just over Brooklyn bridge...(behind us is Manhatton) :) eeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiii

miss B looking pretty, and me looking like i have two sets of breasts... dam sagging top.

me+gem in the lobby before the limo ride (must have been hot or something coz even Gem looks dodge.. and that position of body doesn't suit me... i'm a total beefer. ace

touching Sally's ass... oooo

sexual.

xxx

 
     

(2 kissed me in their living room | miss me in your living room?)

 
*COCK AND THE TOWN*   
04:20pm 08/04/2004
 
mood: sleepy

I'm so tired. can't go to sleep though.. or i won't sleep tonight and then i'll think its like 11am for ever. I had an awesome time.

NEW YORK

ahhh... i sort of miss it. Its just too big and overwhelming to learn to love it in such a short time. but i'll do a quick overview of what i did each day... if i can remember i'm half asleep. it'll help so i can tell my mum when she gets home.

Saturday-The plane journey was ace, i was next to Gem and Pete Colling (ooof) and we played the "would you.." game for over 4hours.. it got pretty disgusting by the end, but hey, pete would eat Coop's shit for £1,000 as long as he could have it with toast or ketchup:) when we arrived the hotel was shit and our rooms had dead flowers, pubic hair and half eaten apples in them... twas lovely so we crashed Sal,heath+Sophia's room to get ready and headed on down to the MET. which was great, but we were too tired(we thought it was like 3am) and then we all fell asleep at a diner.

Sunday- me and gem had this horrible Mcdonalds breakfast... thought we were just ordering the usual bacon egg mcmuffin, with  BREAD BUNS, but NOOOOOOO stupid american SYRUP PANCAKES. ... with cheese and bacon and egg so wrong, SO WRONG. We went to the Guggenheim, that was a bit pooh. Then walked nearly the whole length of Central Park to go ice skating , but suprisingly it was shut.. oh well. Went to Bloomingdales,i got in a mood coz my feet hurt, bought a hot Levis top anyway. Walking back to the subway with Gem+Adam when this CRAZY hobo appeared from nowhere and said "you know what you don't wanna do... you don't wanna go to Michael Jackson's house coz if you stay the night, when you fall asleep, He'll play wit CHO ASS!!" he repeated this several times til Ads said "thanx" sheesh, crazy hobos :P We ate at some shifty chinese that night and then went up the Empire State Building, it was too cold for that really, but i had a nice talk to Pete and aww the city looked so pretty and HUGE.

Monday- was sight seeing day, we went to ground zero and that was horrible, did a bit of shopping and ate in the BEST mcdonalds ever- it even had a piano on a platform for a pianist to play... the burgers were soo tasty. We thought we looked like the cheap,english, scrubberish version of the sex and the city friends..and therefore "cock and the town" was born out of Sally's passion for Coke.. or cock as we think of it nowerdays. We took the free ferry to Stanton island which was pretty cool. Walked to Brooklyn bridge, it was gorgeous.Then walked down Wall Street and got to pier 16!! (where me+my bro got stuck on Tony Hawks for ages) that was crazy and me,gem+sal drew for a bit then went to Abercrombie+Fitch (where all the fitties were employed) bought a top from there. Went into Macy's on the way home, absolutely knackered ourselves out and had to catch a taxi back(which ripped us off) Went for pizza that night and then went to Broadway and caught my first glimpse of Time Square :) saw Eternal Sunshine which made me cry a bit coz Sally was asleep on one side of me and i had Richard on t'other side looking all cute and sleepy and everyone else was asleep and i was just thinking how cute the film was and how cute me and chris were.

Tuesday- went to the Whitney, i hated it, all the good art we were moved away from coz we had to be guided on that day. Our headteacher met up with us too.. bit wierd. Walked back to the hotel, did some sketchbook work and then me,gem+Caz walked to Macy's and footlocker again and i got 2more pairs of converses :) so thats 7 i have now :) We got ready for 7.30, we all looked pretty nice really, found a hair dryer that actually worked and wow, the limos were lovely. We drove round NY for 2hours.. we had all the lower 6th girls + Caz Booth and miss B, Miss Reyero-cascillana (who loves me+gem...crazy spanish lady) and Miss Dickens(knob'ed) got out at Time Square and had our picture taken....everyone was looking, got out at Tiffany's too. We met up with one of the other limos when we went over Brooklyn Bridge and they stopped at this gorgeous spot across the water from Manhatton and there was this gorgeous decking and we all got out (upper 6th boys+us) and had lots of pictures taken, richard looked gorgeous. I then chatted up some gangsta called Marlin when we were stopped through the window of the limo. I got him to say "Sally has a hot ass" because she appreciates gangstas more than me. Dinner was nice that night.

Wednesday- went to Chelsea, loved it. it was really calm and sunny and i had my tight see-through new Hurley top on..eeeek. Checked out some private galleries and then went to this famous clean nice diner and had an expensive lunch. Then sat in the park with Ric for a bit. Got a bus back to the airport at 3, felt soo tired. I loved seeing all the locations from films n stuff... you don't actually realise how famous the city is. i mean, i saw central park where Kevin talked to the hobo in Home alone, the men in black towers and globe where they kill the bug, the graveyards, parks + roads from the beginning of cruel intentions, grand central station from about a million films (eternal sunshine+loser) the bridge and cable car from spiderman, a diner from some music videos. just too much to take in.

:) anyway, think i'm off to have a bath and liven myself up a bit.

xxx

 
     

(2 kissed me in their living room | miss me in your living room?)

 
gharl!   
05:25pm 02/04/2004
 
mood: blah
twas last day of term today, got a bit of art done n stuff.. spoke to "Deek" or "SneaK-L" (DKL) loads.. so i'm quite excited, this trips gonna be full of bumming and fun i hope :)
I've just realised i've left the acrylics and the pastels i won at the lowry in the common room which ARGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i need.
I've just been into town with Gem+Ron (i was supposed to be meeting chris to get my hoody back and give him his easter egg) that didn't happen clearly.. as when i rang him at 1 he was still in bed, typical. The one time i need to see him and he said he'd come ages ago, he really let me down. Nevermind, he even had the cheek to ask me to go and see him in warrington, i don't have the money to do that and its supposed to be him putting an effort in. Hes really let me down, so i'm quite upset about that. New York really better sort my head out about him.
Last night was....
amazing
it really was, infact yesterday in general was one of those days when you think "wow.. things are peachy, i have great friends and i'm happy and i'm doing well" etc. It was Battle of the Bands at lunch which i'd part organised and things went uber smoothly with Cleggy's band doing really well, apart from they did a painful version of Sweetness where Ric started singing too low and never quite recovered. Buttress' set was tight and ooof, and Charles+Russ' "indie" band turned out to be quite EMO so when i screamed this at them i got a dedication :) which i was chuffed about. Charles looked so wonderful, hes all talented.
I stayed after school for extra spanish and then did some of my NY sketchbook again with Mr H... he was giving me dodgy looks and when i looked down eck, i'd only been flashing him for nearly an hour. Oh well.
Then at night it was the Talent Show, which Heath presented, she looked beautiful. The thing that really cheered me up was seeing Tessa though.. we can laugh about absolutely nothing for ages, i actually feel closer to her now i think than i ever was. She made me this ace bracelet with this cute gold barbie shoe on it that we found in Miss B's art supplies cupboard back in 5th year, it was so nice. I miss tess in art. Yes so aaaaaaanyway, I was all excited because we'd got reserved seats at the front because we're special people and it was a great show. Ric Clegg looked so gorgeous and he sang so much better. Joel *shudder* ended up singin JT's Señorita to me(my fault as i kinda did the whole "lick your finger and point *you're hot*" thing at him) but when he sang AC/DC i got all the pelvic thrusts and a spotlight n stuff, i was very scared and embarassed. I'm so proud of all my friends that were in it, they're all lovely. Tom Buttress, Cleggy and t'other boys won with AC/DC, i'm pissed tom won again, his ego doesn't need to get any bigger. Heather closed the show with Alicia keys- how come you don't call me anymore, it was gorgeous, something went wrong with the music at the beginning so some dick yelled "dance heather" so i was doing my funky sitting down dance and Heath says "nah, i think Caggis doing enough dancing for all of us down there" ... I tell you, twas a day of fame for me.

I figured i could make this entry realllly long because i'm not gonna write for nearly a week (I get back on thursday). Humphs gone to see his dad in america today, i think i'll miss him a fair bit. Spoke to Scotty t'other night and well, hes seeing his ex Sam again now. Which is strange seem as when i watched finding nemo with him she rang and they hadn't spoken to her in months and he basically said fuck off many times, but not as politely as that. :S nevermind, probably wouldn't have worked anyway.

I'm really upset at chris. I'm not even sure if i'll bother being his friend if this thing will constantly happen, so much for friends over girls... or sleep... or whatever. Best go and pack all the stuff i don't have for New York now, Gems coming over at 7, then we're picking up Sophia at 6am .. arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

WOO
xxxx
 
     

(miss me in your living room?)

 
por qué?   
10:09pm 31/03/2004
 
mood: lonely
i really miss him today. lots
we dressed as pirates but i didn't look good, i even forgot my sword. Didn't talk to James much at all today, which is bad considering its his birthday, he upset me so much yesterday though. I love charles, he gave me this lovely hug today for no reason other than he saw me on my own looking at james and we talked it all through last night, hes a poppet.
its the talent show tmw, should be fun :) heath will no doubt be brilliant and richard cleggs going to be beautiful, heard a bit of his song today. Think Tess is going too so that'll be nice.Didn't have any free time at all today, i was working all through breaks and lunch and my free and i stayed after school for spanish and then did some of my NY sketchbook. I sewed Mr Howarth some boobies with a sign saying "Mr H Loves --->" he liked them. I need to do so much work. Its also battle of the bands at lunch which i'm supposed to be presenting/ being a bouncer. Its been hard organising that, me on a committee with like 9 guys(who did all the work anyway, i just ate at the meetings and danced around a bit).. pfft :P I turned down the opportunity to see Mike again tonight, dunno why. i'm so lazy.
Footballers wives was stupid it really winds me up but i can't stop watching it. Anyway.. best go and find some better music than this poop. Roll on NY.
xx
 
     

(1 kissed me in their living room | miss me in your living room?)